Team Scibienski

When Pete was first diagnosed, our son's girlfriend (now wife) suggested that we register for an MS walk together. She said, "We'll have our own Team Scibienski." The sentiment was loving and she intended to find a way to come closer to me in my grief but all I heard was that we needed a "Team Scibienski." And at the time, I couldn't imagine needing that much help. Will our life really need a team of help? After I thought about her idea for a couple days, I told her that I wasn't ready for "Team Scibienski." She lovingly gave me grace to be me and she found other ways to relate to me in my grief.

A lot of people do exactly what she suggested - rushing into the cause or jumping into friendship with people who share their particular chronic illness. We couldn't do it. Quite frankly, we didn't want to be with people who had MS. We had plenty of MS ourselves. I know others feel like we do. In fact the leader of the first MS support group we attended blurted out, "I hate being with people with MS." He was the leader for crying out loud!

We couldn't do it. It's actually not until recently that either Pete or myself has been able to research without tears overwhelming us. At some point our youngest son even said to his father, "Why aren't you reading everything you can get your hands on? That's what you taught us to do. We have a question; we look it up." My only answer: Denial and Fear are two of the most powerful forces in our world.

I wasn't ready to need an entire team of people to take care of my husband. I didn't really have a handle on what our needs were: his or my needs. So Team Scibienski was out of the question.

As time went by, we did begin to form a team of folks who care for us. It began with our primary care doc (an internist); she was the first to share MS with us. A neurologist was needed to confirm and when we finally settled on the third neurologist, she would manage our team.) We needed a cardiologist to distinguish some confusion on the MRI. And when other symptoms emerge, we add players to our team. Right now there are seven physicians who play regularly.

We've been hanging out with our team lately. Anyone who cares for someone with a chronic illness can attest that there are seasons in our life that are spent in the doctor's office. One visit often leads to another visit and then potentially to another. They work together and the best advice we ever got was "always give them a list of other doctors with whom you would like them to copy their office notes." It's easy and they understand that working together is essential on Team Scibienski.

In addition to the physician players on our team, there's me. Sometimes I feel like the coach, sometimes the over-used pitcher and sometimes I'm running all over the field. It's in those times though... the times when I'm clearly playing too many positions that I remember the initial offer for Team Scibienski. And then I realize I'm not alone. Our immediate family remains suited up, just like me. And our larger family probably keeps their uniform underneath their work clothes like Clark Kent. Our community of faith is one phone call away and they're ready to pitch, field flies, or sell t-shirts.

Our youngest son youngest son wants to push dad in an MS walk this fall. I'm still not sure about joining them. But I'm wondering - with so many people on our team already - maybe I should at least make t-shirts.