Boys Meet Doctor, part one

We had our bi-annual visit with the neurologist last week. This is our third neurologist. It makes us sound fickle but it isn't like that. A physician friend counseled me when we were going through the diagnosis stage of the game. She said, "you need to keep going to a different physician until you find one that you believe." She was right. I didn't believe her at first though.

The first physician diagnosed Pete quickly. Announcing abruptly, "I'm sorry to say that you have multiple sclerosis. I began to cry immediately and he looked at me a bit confused as if he was thinking, "Hmm, I didn't expect that response." We stuck with him for almost half a year.

The next doctor had great bedside manner. He was so loving and affirming of us both. And yet we would leave his office feeling as though he didn't realize that Pete was sick. And after two years with him, we realized that he was a gifted neurologist who saw a range of patients. And while Pete may have been doing better than an ALS patient he saw earlier in the day, he wasn't doing that well.

Doctor #3 is an MS specialist. Admitting that it took us three years to go to an MS center or find the best doctor available to us is a bit embarrassing. I hear people all the time go right to the best doctor they can find, "they're not foolin' around." We weren't foolin' around either. We learned a lot of things those first three years. We lived with changes in Pete's body and tried to find words to explain it. We vacillated between believing his diagnosis and not believing his diagnosis. We prayed and cried and yelled a lot those three years.

It had taken 30 years for Pete to be diagnosed with MS. In the scheme of things, what's three years to find a doctor you believe?

Here's how I knew she was the one for us. At the end of our first visit, she asked if we had any additional questions. In fact, I did. I had a list of them in my journal. I began going through my list:

What if this is really a back problem? After all, he primarily has symptoms in his right leg.

What if this could be the effect of the Asiatic flu that he had when he was a child?

Am I wrong to understand that some people have non-specific white matter in their brain and on their spinal cord and yet they do not have MS?

And finally, I have a friend who would like me to ask if it couldn't be Lymes... and then she cut me off.

"Let me begin by saying, it is most definitely not Lyme's disease." And then her answer got a bit louder and more rapid ending with, "while you see primary symptoms in his leg, I see them in his hands and in his posture and with his left side as well as right side...." And then I think she looked up at me and I must've had a stunned look on my face. She took a deep breath and lowered his voice and slowly said once again, "You have multiple sclerosis."

And then she kept looking at me. And then I finally said, through a few tears, "Thank you."

I learned that day a very important lesson about myself. I learned that each of us have our areas of expertise. And when I'm in the room with Pete and a physician, I want my expertise to be as his partner. And I want the doctor to take control of everything else. I need a physician with a strong, firm grasp of the situation at hand. It makes me feel safe.

The boys got to meet her last week. And I watched as she did the same to them. She answered all their questions with rapid fire answers. She poked fun at them, and they poked fun back. She encouraged their questions and when she helped them ask the smartest question (as if she knew they were smarter than they were first letting on), she would say, "now that's a good question, let's talk about it."

Thank God for doctors with strong, firm grasp of the situation.