Doctors

Most people go to the doctor once a year. Not true for those of us dealing with chronic illness. Doctors are practically part of our family. Some of our doctors know our weekly activities and they remember our kid's names.

Take for example, our chiropractors... Dr. Mike and Dr. Heidi.

I've gone to a chiropractor my whole life. This was new for Pete. Around the 2nd year of diagnosis, he thought he'd try it. Because of his difficulty walking, he often twists and strains his back, moving his hips out of alignment. After his first adjustment, he was able to balance better and... he slept through the night. He could not remember sleeping through the night. Sleep for the chronically ill is like currency. He spends so much more energy doing daily activities than the rest of us. (His nervous system does work properly so even for his brain to tell his lg to move, it requires more energy.) Sleep is his friend.

He was sold.

For him, a weekly adjustment helps his overall quality of life. But Dr. Mike and Dr. Heidi like to see me every other week.

Without question, I hold most of my stress in my back and as a primary caregiver, there is some stress in my life. But you might be asking, "every other week? You really need to go to the chiropractor every other week?" Between you and me, I'm not so sure about that either. But here is what I am sure of... it's one time in my week where someone else cares for me.

They look me in the eye and ask me how I'm doing. They touch me, lovingly as a physician and companion on life's journey. They know a portion of my life better than anyone else. And they hold that knowledge in trust.

One week, Pete was having a particularly bad go of walking. And he stumbled as he entered the waiting room. Dr. Mike took over caregiving, offered assistance and got him started with treatment. When he came out, he motioned for me to come back and he led me into their coffee room. He shut the door and looked me in the eyes and asked (fully expecting an honest answer), "How are you?"

I started to say that this type of thing happens. Pete get tired and this is a bad week. And he interrupted me and said, "Yes, but how are you with all of this?" He told me about his dad who also suffers with a chronic illness and he wanted me to know that he understood the frustrations of being a caregiver. He understood the phrase, "I wish that he would just..."

I don't know about other caregivers but I always fight wondering whether if we just did this one thing differently, life would be easier. And since I can't control my spouse, he often doesn't do things the way that I would do them. And it's easy for me to think that if I were him, I would do things differently and things would be better because of it.

I know that is not necessarily true but it feel true. (And we'll never know because who am I kidding... he's never going to do it my way.)

Dr. Mike asked if I was taking care of myself. I told him that I exercise, I go to yoga, I read, I write, I cook, I have friends and truth be told - I come to the chiropractor. And he smiled and said, "Well, let's get at it then."

With a couple tears in my eyes, he led me to my own room where he massaged some of the knots out of my back and straightened me out again, lovingly offering me his hands to lift me back into my life as a caregiver.

I said, "thanks." He said, "you're welcome." And right before I opened the door, he told me about a new wine that he found. We always talk wine - after all, he's practically family.