Steps

Lao Tzu said, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with one single step."

People with chronic illnesses think about every single step.

Generally speaking, handicap accessible doesn't mean handicap convenient. I often think that if my husband was unable to walk, he'd have a better time getting into places than his current state of partial-disability.

Our favorite conundrum is when his choice is to either climb 5-6 steps OR walk a 50 foot ramp. Pete can walk but he gets tired easily. He uses a rollator with a seat. He can walk about 25 feet and then he takes a quick 60 second rest so that he can keep going. Given the option of steps or a ramp, he often opts for the steps.

I'm afraid of steps. Our house is littered with them. The kitchen is two steps lower than the living room. The bedroom is on the second floor. But in reality, he has not fallen down the steps and there was only one time in five years that getting up the steps was too much to do. (It was after a long day of travel, two flight with only a hot dog for sustenance.)

Bu I'm still afraid of steps.

We play this game as a family... it's a mixture of pictionary and telephone. We call it the paper game. We write a phrase and then the person next to us tries to draw the phrase, then the next interprets the phrase into words, then the next draws the interpretation. You get the idea.

One time when we were playing this game, I interpreted someone's drawing as "Dad fell down the steps." After I said it, silence fell over the room and I realized that the paper game had just acted like a Rorschach test and my subconscious was dancing around for everyone else to see.

Yesterday we took a step of sorts. We braved visiting my brother's house. (They usually come to our house.) There are two ways to get into his house: 6 steps into the back door or 50 feet into the front door where there is only one step. They have three girls and so there are toys that may need to be moved out of the way. And their bathroom is on the second floor.

This seems so mundane a topic... but it's my life. I have to think about steps in a world filled with obstacles. But yesterday was a success because we took a step. We had a great dinner with lots of giggling from my nieces and we played games as a family... not the paper game this time. My subconscious was happy to not have been on display.