the leadership vacuum

Last night at our Presbytery meeting, I was overwhelmed by the volatility that has obviously come from a long period of insecurity. We've held what seems to be the 4th conversation about what our executive presbytery would do, how we might pay this person in addition to an associate, and whether or not a committee can work while we're deciding. Shoot me!

If one of our churches had a meeting like this, we'd never let them have a pastor yet. We would demand an interim. Why then, at the Presbytery level, are we so afraid of having an interim? I have an idea... we lack leadership.

Here's my argument: Leaders, real leaders, know how to follow. I'm totally ready to have a leader of our Presbytery point us in a direction... I'm in. leaders know how to follow. We respond to even the idea of leadership with so much fear, I have grown to believe that we don't know how to follow, we don't want to follow, we don't want to be told what to do. We are not comfortable being led. We are not leaders ourselves.

If we were, we would welcome leadership. We would not spend over an hour arguing over a motion and an amendment to the motion that delays leadership.

stages of grief

My husband was diagnosed with MS two years ago.

We've circled through the stages of grief, always skipping the elusive final stage called "acceptance." I've learned that denial is one of the strongest forces on earth. My mood has slouched lower than I thought possible with what what "they" call "acute depression. I hope you don't mind me offering this learning: prayer is a form of bargaining. I spent long hours bargaining with God through stage 3. But it's stage 2 that I like the best.

Anger is a reasonable state of mind. Anger is easy. Anger has its own fuel source. Anger is provoked. Anger is a brewed pot of coffee ready to be poured. I return to this stage often... it's become a close friend.

The Friendship of Women by Joan Chittister

I'm working through a new book that takes great liberties with women from scripture about whom we know little. Drawing from snippets of information, the author gathers character information and then concludes behavior likened to true friends.

The most amazing part of the book so far is the historical understanding of friendship. Did you know that there was a time that the world believed women to be without the ability to develop and sustained lasting, meaningful friendship?

Eastertide

The season of Easter is a wonderful opportunity to re-discover or reflect upon our faith. Often through prayer, I am able to express my discoveries or reflections. I found this quote about prayer itself.

"Prayerful words are the channel into the silent communion of an individual soul with the Creator in whose image we are created. Prayer is an act of radical welcome and radical intimacy which enfolds us in challenge and comfort. Prayer requires pauses for discernment and for awareness. It also needs honesty, tenderness, and wisdom... and a little humor never hurts."

Perhaps during these weeks that follow Easter, our prayer time with God can be honest and intimate. What are your thoughts on spending time with God in prayer?

daily om

At the end of the yoga class that I attend, as we are feeling slightly taller and lighter from the exercise and renewed breath, we chant OM together. At first, not having come from this tradition, I was confused about what this small word meant. My interest led me to find that OM, like Amen for us of the Christian tradition offers acceptance and trust in the Divine. Some compare the little word "OM" to the "word" where us Christians would think of Jesus as the Word of God, or we would remember in the Beginning was the "Word." I often interpret the meaning of "Word" as the creative force of the universe. Others might say, "the sound or vibration from which all other names and forms arise and to which all return." OM then is the beginning and the end.

In my internet travels, I've discovered an interesting, quick daily meditation at www.dailyom.com

What I like most about it is that it addresses the restlessness that is so prevalent in our world. I think anything that challenges us to breathe deeper and reflect is a good thing (not to sound too much like Martha Stewart or anything.)